Geesh...It's been a YEAR!

It's been almost a year since my last rambling...I never wanted that to be the case. But here we are.

Easter is fast approaching. Last year we had Easter at my Mom's house, with visiting family, Easter dinner, Easter egg hunt, fun and laughter. This year's Easter will be very different.

My Mom passed away last August - I've already written about it. It still seems unreal. She went downhill rather fast (looking back it looks fast; living it seemed slower). I don't think what I've been feeling is depression...I know my Mom is in heaven, with her Savior and (maybe) family that has gone before.

Exploring World Showcase during the Flower and Garden Festival at EPCOT, 2010.

What I'm feeling - or what I've been feeling since last September - is more likened to disinterest or indifference. I still care, so maybe indifference isn't right. I have things I want to accomplish, goals I was working towards before my Mom got sicker, even life ambitions that I had taken important steps towards achieving...but it's like I've put them on pause when I needed to and now I'm unsure or afraid to hit the play button again on my life.

Afraid might not be the right word, but there it is. Yes, I miss my Mom. Yes, I still think about her every day, wish I could call her on the phone, make her laugh, get her advice once more, plan one more holiday together...but I look around my life and realize that I've gotten used to the pause; used to making plans for "when everything settles down".

But isn't life what happens while we're busy making plans?

I'm slowly waking up from my funk, my disinterest and life's pause; I'm realizing that the plans I make won't happen until I make that first step: make that phone call, begin that first project, have that uncomfortable conversation...until then I'm not really living, I'm just existing.

So here we are, on March 6, 2025, and I'm formally acknowledging my desire to move forward, to begin again, to jump off that proverbial cliff. It won't be easy, or instantaneously gratifying, but it will BE...and right now, that is better than the pause.